Staring at the sky

Waiting for it to catch fire

Hoping that lady luck was on our side

And for a moment believing she was

We missed 11:11 by a minute.

Staring at the sun

Blinking my eyes in drowsy disdain

Waiting for the lights to go out

Everyone wished fortune was theirs-

It’s just so cliche

I’ll die young and magnificently

Remember staring at the ocean

Watching the tide bleed red?

Wish those times hadn’t faded away.

And I always apologise, but I’m down for one more

You were right all along.

We're in a red world.

Don't ask why I'm here

I won't apologise

You wouldn't accept anyhow.

Just sit here

Hold my hand

And let the anger consume you...

Hold my hand

Kiss me

Fuck me

Hit me

Hurt me.

I can pretend not to like it

But I can't pretend not to deserve it.

death of desire part one

Soaking wet on the sand

I spend night after night wanting to fuck

Someone who hates being touched

I immerse myself

I'm knee deep

In self-doubt

And you're neck deep in my tide.

Even if I spent every day building a home for us

By hand

We'd be just as good as dead.

Brace yourself for another tidal wave

Self Portrait I

You're nothing but a cheap whore

Who spends every day making easy choices

Instead of good ones

Who talks to appease rather than enthrall

Everyone says you're beautiful

You're so goddamned beautiful

It's a shame you're so rotten.

What a waste.

Is this what you wanted to be?

It's not becoming to think

You're better than you are.

You're nothing but a cheap whore

And you have the nerve to ask why I'm gone

Haha,

Fuck you.

I have better things to do

Than to try and teach an old dog new tricks

rant

My words are sad

And I want everyone to know that I don't want you to be how I let myself think I am.

I want you all to be happy and learn

From my mistakes

Do happy things

Think happy thoughts

Surround yourself with happy people.

Love life, it's

Magnificent.

Every day is filled with beauty

You just have to look a little harder some days than

Others.

I want you to be stronger than I am

And to know when enough is

Enough;

To leave when you know there is

Better.

To stand up for yourselves when you're

Being walked all over.

To write words and music because

You love it

And not because you would die if you didn't.

Be strong, be beautiful, get your revenge

But most of all be dignified

And leave when you're not wanted.

The truth is I've resigned myself to this

I've given up all my dignity and my

Beauty

And my strength

For someone who I love

Someone who gives so much but takes

Ever so slightly more

Don't be like me, please.

I couldn't write enough to

Stop that sense of loss.

October 2009

nothing's changed, stay gnarly friends

Love is in the Air II

Look at you

You fantasy.

Watch you look at my face

For the first time today.

Look at me.

What a mess.

And as I watch you

Watching me

I'm sure that I love you.

Fuck you,

I didn't deserve any

Of this.

Love is in the Air

Why'd I choose one who loves sensation

As much as I do?

The One who loves

Drinking and fucking

And women

And me, he said.

Me.

But that would just be

Too goddamned difficult,

Wouldn't it?

Inspire me.

With me

It always takes a crisis or a joy or

A total fucking breakdown

To get inspired and start

Writing.

But this time, it's not because

i want to write something

Beautiful for you;

It's because I love you,

You let me down,

Same old same old teenage bullshit,

Really.

untitled whatever

Ah, at last-

The skeletons have

Exited the

Closet

saturday mornings

I try and keep you happy

On Friday nights.

Why Fridays

You might ask.

Because I know that

On Saturdays you have

Every opportunity to destroy

My everything.

So as long as I can

Know you

Friday nights are a time

For pillow-talk and

Good memories.

That is, if it's okay

With you.

all in a day's work

It's hard work

Suffering for your art.

Being sad for the sake

Of a good story to tell.

I like that I don't have

To ask you anymore.

Much appreciated and

Loved

Even if you don't think so.

I crave your hatred.

summer's here.

I dream of another summer

Afternoon.

November will never come

Because the days never end.

And as I sit here

Biting my lip

I wish they weren't so long

And if they have to be,

Why can't you be

In them?

sweetness/sickness

I will never be

Alone

But I will always be

Lonely

The soles of my feet

Are worn out

From catching up with you.

And my heart beats

Which exhilaration

Before you lose me again.

Beacon of light

Everyone once bright

Is tarnished.

Beacon of light

How can you possibly save us

When you can't even save

Me?

Impossible 2

I know you're not happy

That's the only thing

Stopping me from happiness too.

And if you'd have me
I'd offer you my hand

And my respect.

Do you want

To get old

To get happy

Together?

Impossible

Help me to overcome

This endless sadness

Help me to forget

This indelible rift.

Help me choose

Which road is right

And I'll help you

Be you again.

Please, for once

Let me win on

Both accounts.

untitled 9

Please put something beautiful here

Where he used to be

untitled 10

I used to think

You'd change my life

But right now

I'd just settle

For you being in it.

Joy

I saw a man the other day

Standing in the rain

He held muddied hands up

To the sky and cried

As the dirt bled down his arms.

"I'm free," he yelled

And I stopped and stared.

"Tomorrow I will have finally forgotten you."

That man certainly knew

A thing or two about slowing traffic

That day.

And as I watched him

Broken and dirty on the wet pavement

I wondered what his deal was

And how I could get in on it.

untitled 8

I wonder if it's so wrong

To dream of another life

And awaken

Only semi-content

With the one you've

Sadly been stuck with?

untitled 7

The streets are built by

Dead men's hands.

They're filled with beautiful temptations

That you can touch and taste

And swallow

But never call your own.

And until you see them touched

Tasted

Swallowed

By some other unlucky bastard

You'd never realised how much

Sweaty desire filled these rooms.

You don't care at all.

You just want someone to touch

Taste

Swallow

And say they care.

untitled 6

The only thing worse than

Not being loved

Is loving so ferociously

That you're okay with

Accepting it.

Ode to the Unrequited

Two years ago I met somebody

Who I expected to forget

Instantly.

The truth is that not a day

Has passed without him

Being somewhere in my thoughts.

And if I could I would

Tell myself to go out drinking

The night we met

To go and drown my sorrows

Somewhere else

And to spend another night

Wondering when I'd feel okay.

But now two years have gone

And I still care, and it still

Hurts.

And it never stops.

I feel dirty.

And it never stops.

He was always honest

I was always the optimist.

He was a realist

And I was one of those starry eyed girls

Who hopes for happy-endings

Where there can't be one.

He's home, not wondering where

Or how I am.

I'm out, and hoping

That no matter how I am

He's feeling okay.

untitled 5

Thirty seven days until

I have to grow up.

But not much will change

I'll still be singing sad songs for supper.

But if I could have just one gift

If I could change one thing

I would make you see things

You never knew were there.

And make you believe things

You'd suspected but never fully

Come to terms with.

untitled 4

Everyone says to write

What you know.

So good sirs and madams

I'll take your advice and write

What most people know

But don't realise.

The saddest songs play

When you don't want to hear them.

Everybody pities

When you crave support.

The rewards come

When you least deserve them.

The losses come

When you least expect them.

And all this is because

It's much bigger than all of us

And the truth is

Someone doesn't care about our

Day to day banalities

And chooses to play that sad song

For the hundredth

Time.

untitled 3

The hardest moment in my life so far

Was realising the point of it all.

What is life

If it's not just about making memories

Worth suppressing?

untitled 2

They're all so beautiful

And I can't compete.

In a world where style rules substance

Beauty rules brains

And trends eclipse common sense

I thought you were different.

Why do I always think the best of you?

In the end I'll probably stay lonely

But maybe not alone.

I need to sleep now, I've been out.

So goodnight and I hope you're well.

And maybe we can talk fashion

And beautiful girls

When the summer's gone.

untitled 1

I waited a whole day but

She never showed up.

She's the kind of girl with two sides

Most people love her and bask in

Her masquerade of laughter.

Some people hate her because

They see the real her

And those are always the ones

That she loved

Unfortunately, I loved her.

I could wait a whole lifetime and

She'd probably never show up.